I'm preparing myself to leave Dublin for a while. I'm hopefully only going for a month, but it's so much harder to leave this year than it was last year. It's mainly down to James. I've spent the past day with him and I can't imagine not seeing him every day. I'm going to miss him even more than I had ever thought. I won't get to see John before I go, or for my birthday...claims he can't get the time off work. Nice to know he really tried! (cue sarcastic face).
I'm not the only one who's leaving. My dear friend Sinead is moving to her home town of NEW YORK in a few days. She's only going for the summer. Jealousy doesn't even cover it. I'm making her something I always promised her. A cook book. Basic recipes for fast, easy food. :) I like to make sure everyone is being looked after! I'm a mammy at heart. I can't help it.
I woke up next to James this morning and I was happy. Not ecstatic, not beaming, just comfortable and warm. I can't help but love him with all my heart. I think I'm looking into this more than I should but it's hard not to see how wonderful he is when I'm lonely. He's having such a hard time lately and all I want to do is make him smile, but that's proving harder than originally thought. But I know him and I know his weaknesses. He loves it when I make an idiot of myself, when I tell terrible jokes and when we make funny voices and say stupid lines from movies! I've said it before and I'll say it again, he's my world.
John is proving to be more and more of a disappointment. I think it's high time I stepped back from that whole situation for a while. Maybe going home for a while will clear my head, stop everything seeming so grey. I miss colour, I miss seeing the sunny side of everything, I used to always be bright and happy, now everything is more dull. I don't quite know why. That's why I love James, I feel normal with him. Colour in abundance!
You can see why I'm confused. I hope the time away will make things clearer.
Time to finish Doodles book!
Later my lovelies!
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