Well since my last post, I have moved back home for the summer. I still go back up to Dublin every couple of weeks to see James and everyone else. I miss them all so much. He and I are tryin to organise a trip down here for some people to stay while my Mom goes to Canada to see my brother for a month. Doodle is loving New York and having a fantastic time by the sounds of her emails. I'm so very jealous of her.
And I..... well, I'm frustrated. I went to up Dublin last week for 6 days with a few events to attend. My dear Lottie graduated from Trinity College. My best mate Ian celebrated his 21st birthday, and my friend Andy took me out on my birthday date he promised me. Between all this I had arranged a secret sexy night in a gorgeous hotel with John. We had booked the room and he had gotten 2 days off work so we could spend time together. So after bidding a fond farewell to my friend Lottie, I head to the hotel. There I wait excitedly for a wonderous night of passion. And I wait.......and wait......and wait................and nothing. I sat for 6 hours in my room watching Wimbledon and preparing myself for the night to come. I texted him asking him what time I could expect him. I got the reply that drive me over the edge of sanity........ "I'm tired. Don't think I'll make it".
I felt like crying, I was so upset and furious that I could only do what any woman in my situation would do, I called James. He lives 5 mins down the road from John and yet James dropped everything to come and see me. He spent €42 on a taxi, and John couldn't have been bothered to text me first, I had to ask him!!! Naturally James and I made the most of it. We had 3...nearly 4 hours of intense physical intimacy. Not including the next morning. It was fantastic. At least it was fantastic til later that next night. James kissed our mutual friends cousin Amanda. They've started seeing each other since that night. I'm a littte uneasy about it to be honest.
When given the same information I've given you, my dear friend Doodle summed my feelings up so brilliantly...."You and james are so close and it was just you two for so long that when another girl comes into the picture your mind and your heart goes haywire!". I'm a little ashamed to say that I want him now more than I ever have. I get sickeningly jealous whenever he says her name. I don't know what I want, or even who I want for that matter. I'm still longing to speak to John as we haven't spoken since that fateful night. I know I shouldn't want to talk to him after what he did, but I miss him. I miss talking to James too. We don't speak as much as we used to, but he clearly wants to get to know amanda, it's understandable.
I'm fed up with emotions lately. I have far too many running around my head, I really just want all of these confusing thoughts to disappear and for something positive to happen.
Ah, enough of that for now.
Time to watch some mind numbing tv.
Later my lovlies!
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